jane q. public

I seem to be taking another internet break.  Work’s been out of hand, plus I’m just a little sad these days.  I just don’t really feel like coming home and catching up on everything each day.  I’m sure I’ll get back to it in a week or two.

I’ve surprised myself by not being too bothered by Valentine’s Day this time around.  It really is just a day.

The only thing that got to me was seeing the thing at Nashvillest about free marriages at Paradise Park - and that was only because it made me think of the ex-fiancé, who works there (or I guess he still does).  I haven’t heard from him in awhile, which means he’s got some girl.  That thought sets off the anxiety meter in a huge way.  Oh well, fuck it.

Tomorrow night I’ll be having fun with friends rather than focusing on chocolate and roses.  I’ll be going on one of those walking ghost tours downtown, and that’s good enough for me.

Now, for the real reason I dropped in –

Mom emailed this to me.

I went to Starbucks. I ordered an UNSWEETENED iced coffee.  Two blocks later I took a sip of my coffee.  It was full of sugar.  I threw it out the window of my car.*  I cried.  It’s stupid.  I’m sick of it.

*and I never litter.

That’s it.  I give up.  This day hates me.  I shouldn’t have expected better out of a day that had me walking out of work in tears…

Let’s say there was a guy you’d known for, oh, five-ish years.  Sometimes he’s your best friend, sometimes you can’t stand him, sometimes you sleep with him, all the time you still love him…  Maybe all the time you jokingly tell him that one of these days the two of you will just have to give up and get married.  Maybe most of the time you wish that could be true.

Maybe one day you have a super goddamn fucking shitty (that’s how you know it’s really shitty) day at work, and you’re down in the dumps and then you get a message on Facebook:

Subject: A Surprise for [guy you sometimes sleep with]

Hi! I am [guy you sometimes sleep with]’s girlfriend, XYZ, and I wanted to try and surprise him with a truly spectacular Valentine this year BUT I need your help to do it. On Valentines day I want to present [guy you sometimes sleep with] with a bag filled with letters and goodies from friends and family. Would you please write a letter telling why [guy you sometimes sleep with] is meaningful to you as a friend? It doesn’t have to be long. You can e-mail me here or you can hand write it as long as I get it by Valentines Day. This would be such a great surprise!

Thank you,
XYZ

PS sssshhhhh it’s a secret!!!

I was floored.  I mean, the nice side of me wants to think, “oh, well this girl’s just doing a really sweet thing for him, and she doesn’t realize that an email like that tears my heart into a million fucking pieces.”  The little guy with the pitchfork on the other shoulder says, “that’s her way of saying, ‘HE’S MINE, BITCH!’ (probably to all of the girls he knows)”  Either way, it wasn’t what I needed today.

I know I’m doing a lot of bitching and poor little me these days.  I apologize.  It’s there, it’s real, I can’t lie about it.